Sunday, January 28
> Diana's 21st.
Diana's 21st birthday chalet yesterday was quite a blast. Happy birthday darling and thanks for the invite sweets!
My original plans weren't carried out but i still managed to enjoy myself at the end of it because i won money!!
Well initially, i planned to meet Jeffrey (the lucky star) and head down to Aloha Loyang together where i'll leave at about 11 to meet Zhen Jie for One Last Dance. Then, Ling called and said they're going pubbing so Zhen Jie and i decided to meet them at the pub instead. But! We could only make it there at almost midnight and they have no intention to leave late, so in the end i stayed on at the chalet till morning.
I got home at about 7.30am after all the mahjong and blackjack. Jeffrey and i acted as one entity at the mahjong table. And with our powers combined, we were the biggest winner of $140!! Oh gosh, my luck last night was terrific! And we almost had 13 yao. Calling for the last card already man! Damn high sia!
Managed to get to know more people last night. Was afraid of being bored and lonely cos i knew Jeffrey would chuck me aside since he had many more friends there. Thank God there's mahjong. I love mahjong! Dont you love it too? heh.
Pictures up when i receive them ok?
Damn tired lah. Waiting for Jeffrey (from TP) to reach my place so we can do our tutorials together. I think im gonna fall asleep anytime soon.
Diana's 21st birthday chalet yesterday was quite a blast. Happy birthday darling and thanks for the invite sweets!
My original plans weren't carried out but i still managed to enjoy myself at the end of it because i won money!!
Well initially, i planned to meet Jeffrey (the lucky star) and head down to Aloha Loyang together where i'll leave at about 11 to meet Zhen Jie for One Last Dance. Then, Ling called and said they're going pubbing so Zhen Jie and i decided to meet them at the pub instead. But! We could only make it there at almost midnight and they have no intention to leave late, so in the end i stayed on at the chalet till morning.
I got home at about 7.30am after all the mahjong and blackjack. Jeffrey and i acted as one entity at the mahjong table. And with our powers combined, we were the biggest winner of $140!! Oh gosh, my luck last night was terrific! And we almost had 13 yao. Calling for the last card already man! Damn high sia!
Managed to get to know more people last night. Was afraid of being bored and lonely cos i knew Jeffrey would chuck me aside since he had many more friends there. Thank God there's mahjong. I love mahjong! Dont you love it too? heh.
Pictures up when i receive them ok?
Damn tired lah. Waiting for Jeffrey (from TP) to reach my place so we can do our tutorials together. I think im gonna fall asleep anytime soon.
sealed-with-a-kiss < 6:21:00 pm
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Thursday, January 25
> zzz
Im feeling very very moody right now and nothing seem to work, not even food anymore. Im having this very very bad headache that makes me feel like throwing up. I dont know why im feeling so depressed and i dont know what could make me feel better. I feel like having a good chat with a worthy friend, yet i feel like being isolated in the "leave me alone" status. I dont know whats going on through my mind right now, neither do i know what's happening to my life. I feel so down, so so down in my dumps. No one seems to comprehend me, not even myself. I flare up as and when i like, making myself so pissed in other people's eye. I get irritated so easily and i cant seem to control my emotions anymore. I feel like crying, but im too tired to even cry. Im so sick of my life, no matter how complete my family is. I should be glad and fortunate that my parents are always there by my side. I should be happy we could sit down and have dinner daily and that we could all go on a shopping spree spending 2k in 3 days just when i say i needed a getaway. But it doesnt feel enough, im not satisfied at all. I dont even know what im talking about right now because it doesnt seem to make any sense at all. I just needed a space to shoot things out, whatever im thinking about right now. Then again, what was i thinking about all along?
Im feeling very very moody right now and nothing seem to work, not even food anymore. Im having this very very bad headache that makes me feel like throwing up. I dont know why im feeling so depressed and i dont know what could make me feel better. I feel like having a good chat with a worthy friend, yet i feel like being isolated in the "leave me alone" status. I dont know whats going on through my mind right now, neither do i know what's happening to my life. I feel so down, so so down in my dumps. No one seems to comprehend me, not even myself. I flare up as and when i like, making myself so pissed in other people's eye. I get irritated so easily and i cant seem to control my emotions anymore. I feel like crying, but im too tired to even cry. Im so sick of my life, no matter how complete my family is. I should be glad and fortunate that my parents are always there by my side. I should be happy we could sit down and have dinner daily and that we could all go on a shopping spree spending 2k in 3 days just when i say i needed a getaway. But it doesnt feel enough, im not satisfied at all. I dont even know what im talking about right now because it doesnt seem to make any sense at all. I just needed a space to shoot things out, whatever im thinking about right now. Then again, what was i thinking about all along?
sealed-with-a-kiss < 10:52:00 pm
___________________________________________
Wednesday, January 24
>
My year twenty-o-seven started way way out of track. I remembered on the first few days of January, i was crying so badly, i locked myself up at home and my tears would roll even when i lie down on my bean bag to stone. It was that bad.
Adding on to 1 report, 3 projects and 3 tests all due in January, i was suffering from great depression, which activated my eating disorder.
I was feeling like shit all the time and i needed to break free from all my emotions suppressed so deep within. My only pillar of strength and friend to confide in left me, i had no one else to turn to because no one could console and encourage me better than he do.
Days flew and time passed, i slowly got used to the fact that my dear friend would no longer be that close friend i used to have. As much as i dont wish to accept the fact that things had changed so much, i managed to smile behind my tears and pretend im still the strong bunny everyone used to know.
Im turning twenty in a few months, and im graduating in about 6 weeks time. I cant wait for March to arrive, while i will travel and tour around Asia. Anticipation kills, but what kills me most is to wait for the day we can be like before.
Please take care of yourself during tough times in the army. xoxo
]
No matter how tough 2007 can get, i will be strong and smile from within.
My year twenty-o-seven started way way out of track. I remembered on the first few days of January, i was crying so badly, i locked myself up at home and my tears would roll even when i lie down on my bean bag to stone. It was that bad.
Adding on to 1 report, 3 projects and 3 tests all due in January, i was suffering from great depression, which activated my eating disorder.
I was feeling like shit all the time and i needed to break free from all my emotions suppressed so deep within. My only pillar of strength and friend to confide in left me, i had no one else to turn to because no one could console and encourage me better than he do.
Days flew and time passed, i slowly got used to the fact that my dear friend would no longer be that close friend i used to have. As much as i dont wish to accept the fact that things had changed so much, i managed to smile behind my tears and pretend im still the strong bunny everyone used to know.
Im turning twenty in a few months, and im graduating in about 6 weeks time. I cant wait for March to arrive, while i will travel and tour around Asia. Anticipation kills, but what kills me most is to wait for the day we can be like before.
Please take care of yourself during tough times in the army. xoxo
]No matter how tough 2007 can get, i will be strong and smile from within.
sealed-with-a-kiss < 12:54:00 pm
___________________________________________
Sunday, January 21
> A pleasant surprise call
I was feeling as grouchy almost the entire day because i woke up in pain and the cramps lasted the entire day.
Ive been tanning 3 time consecutively this week but im not getting very much darker because im so afraid of getting skin cancer due to overexposure of UV or getting my skin burnt. And the sun today was so scorching hot i was literally screaming for help by the pool.
Then, my mood lightened up a little bit when i received a very unexpected call from a long time friend whom i havent talked to for ages. Feels so great to hear from him again and catch up a little.
But i got a little depressed upon hearing from him because the first thing he said was "hey xxx is in the same platoon as i am". The world is so damn small and i really really wonder how he's doing.
Well anyway, im sure things would get better, or at least, i hope.
I was feeling as grouchy almost the entire day because i woke up in pain and the cramps lasted the entire day.
Ive been tanning 3 time consecutively this week but im not getting very much darker because im so afraid of getting skin cancer due to overexposure of UV or getting my skin burnt. And the sun today was so scorching hot i was literally screaming for help by the pool.
Then, my mood lightened up a little bit when i received a very unexpected call from a long time friend whom i havent talked to for ages. Feels so great to hear from him again and catch up a little.
But i got a little depressed upon hearing from him because the first thing he said was "hey xxx is in the same platoon as i am". The world is so damn small and i really really wonder how he's doing.
Well anyway, im sure things would get better, or at least, i hope.
sealed-with-a-kiss < 11:16:00 pm
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Wednesday, January 17
> Rene's 21st
Last Saturday, the sentosa gang celebrated Rene's 21st at his auntie's big bungalow.
Was a great gathering with yummy steamboat.
As usual, we played cards till like 4.30am before sharing a cab back home with the Bedok people. Yes, im now part of the Bedok group. Haa!
The girls
and the guys.
Yum Seng everyone!
We're gonna celebrate Marcel's 20th birthday this Saturday with steamboat again at Marina Square.
And next saturday would be Diana's 21st birthday chalet. The thought of having all saturdays planned up makes me happy, because friday nights make me cry, and saturday nights would make me die.
Toodles.
Last Saturday, the sentosa gang celebrated Rene's 21st at his auntie's big bungalow.
Was a great gathering with yummy steamboat.
As usual, we played cards till like 4.30am before sharing a cab back home with the Bedok people. Yes, im now part of the Bedok group. Haa!
The girls
and the guys.
Yum Seng everyone!
We're gonna celebrate Marcel's 20th birthday this Saturday with steamboat again at Marina Square.
And next saturday would be Diana's 21st birthday chalet. The thought of having all saturdays planned up makes me happy, because friday nights make me cry, and saturday nights would make me die.
Toodles.
sealed-with-a-kiss < 6:59:00 pm
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Monday, January 15
> Ignorance is bliss, i totally agree.
People always say "ignorance is bliss" and i couldnt agree anymore than that. But i guess its human nature that you always try to find and dig out more stuffs and when you found out things you wish you didnt know, you'll fall back once again and then the depression cycles starts all over.
So why did i go through so much trouble to find out things i wish i didnt know? Ive asked myself a lot of times but i couldnt come out with any conclusion. I was on the road to recovery, though still very much crestfallen and then suddenly i see a symbol, just one symbol and i got hit back to the dumps.
On a lighter note, im meeting a good ol' friend in about 30 minutes time for chats over drinks. I shall try to absorb some stuffs from the notes while he come picks me up.
People always say "ignorance is bliss" and i couldnt agree anymore than that. But i guess its human nature that you always try to find and dig out more stuffs and when you found out things you wish you didnt know, you'll fall back once again and then the depression cycles starts all over.
So why did i go through so much trouble to find out things i wish i didnt know? Ive asked myself a lot of times but i couldnt come out with any conclusion. I was on the road to recovery, though still very much crestfallen and then suddenly i see a symbol, just one symbol and i got hit back to the dumps.
On a lighter note, im meeting a good ol' friend in about 30 minutes time for chats over drinks. I shall try to absorb some stuffs from the notes while he come picks me up.
sealed-with-a-kiss < 9:59:00 pm
___________________________________________
Thursday, January 11
> Pictures up!
The lazy bugs decided to stop biting me for awhile so ive finally remembered to post the long overdue pictures taken last year.
Christmas eve with the sentosa gang!
We basically spent the night eating and drinking, playing DDR as well as
mahjong
and cards.
Till 10am in the morning. Damn shag!
The remaining of us after a few left.
Denise and I with the beautifully decorated xmas tree all done by us. Freaking hard work.
And the beautifully decorated wall, handwritten by yours truly (shuttup if its ugly la just pretend its nice) and cut out by Denise.
Leroy and I celebrating xmas since i was er.. 14?
Next up, i've Cynthia's 19th birthday celebration at The Wine Company.
Had dinner and white wine. Nice ambience, great for dates!
My girlies!
Yum Seng to our friendship some since pri 1, for me since sec 1. LOVE YOU BABES!
Then, we ended the night at St James PowerHouse, which turned out to be a total fiasco.
But the toilet's pretty cool. heh.
The lazy bugs decided to stop biting me for awhile so ive finally remembered to post the long overdue pictures taken last year.
Christmas eve with the sentosa gang!
We basically spent the night eating and drinking, playing DDR as well as
mahjong
and cards.
Till 10am in the morning. Damn shag!
The remaining of us after a few left.
Denise and I with the beautifully decorated xmas tree all done by us. Freaking hard work.
And the beautifully decorated wall, handwritten by yours truly (shuttup if its ugly la just pretend its nice) and cut out by Denise.
Leroy and I celebrating xmas since i was er.. 14?
Next up, i've Cynthia's 19th birthday celebration at The Wine Company.
Had dinner and white wine. Nice ambience, great for dates!
My girlies!
Yum Seng to our friendship some since pri 1, for me since sec 1. LOVE YOU BABES!
Then, we ended the night at St James PowerHouse, which turned out to be a total fiasco.
But the toilet's pretty cool. heh.
sealed-with-a-kiss < 12:00:00 am
___________________________________________
Monday, January 8
> when 3 suckiest things come together, amber gets it all.
What could be worst than losing a love and an important friend, simultaneously losing your pillar of support and person to rely on when you're upset, hungry and bored and falling ill all at the same time?
I havent been sick for some time now, as much as i can remember but it definately aint the best time to fall sick because ive a test on Wed and more tests and projects coming up next week. Im already so much behind time and there's too many things i need to catch up.
I stayed home the entire weekends just to lie on my orange sofa bed and stone with tears rolling down my cheeks automatically. It wasnt something i could control doing and i'll start thinking of all the old happy times we shared. Now that i know they all meant nothing to you, and you have the right to do whatever you want including ignoring me but u cant stop me from having feelings for you.
So many things i wanna say but you dont wanna hear. Is this the end of our friendship bond that had been so strong for the past 10 months?
What could be worst than losing a love and an important friend, simultaneously losing your pillar of support and person to rely on when you're upset, hungry and bored and falling ill all at the same time?
I havent been sick for some time now, as much as i can remember but it definately aint the best time to fall sick because ive a test on Wed and more tests and projects coming up next week. Im already so much behind time and there's too many things i need to catch up.
I stayed home the entire weekends just to lie on my orange sofa bed and stone with tears rolling down my cheeks automatically. It wasnt something i could control doing and i'll start thinking of all the old happy times we shared. Now that i know they all meant nothing to you, and you have the right to do whatever you want including ignoring me but u cant stop me from having feelings for you.
So many things i wanna say but you dont wanna hear. Is this the end of our friendship bond that had been so strong for the past 10 months?
sealed-with-a-kiss < 12:53:00 pm
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Saturday, January 6
> Amber's law
The biggest mistake in life one can ever do to regret, is to fight a losing battle.
Who said something about "if you never try, you'll never know".
I said, "i tried, but i still do not know".
Adrian told me yesterday that friends are forever and lovers are only for a while.
It doesnt matter to me if there's no love, but i just screwed it up with our friendship. So i ended up with nothing at all.
I'll probably need quite a lot of time to piece the broken fragments back together again.
Leonard, Eric and Siwei were over at my place last night. We wanted to play mahjong but after a round of East, we changed to uno stacko and ended the night (or morning rather) with Hotels.
Sometimes, its pretty tiring to put on a facade pretending you're happy and smile smile smile. Because more often not, im crying inside.
The biggest mistake in life one can ever do to regret, is to fight a losing battle.
Who said something about "if you never try, you'll never know".
I said, "i tried, but i still do not know".
Adrian told me yesterday that friends are forever and lovers are only for a while.
It doesnt matter to me if there's no love, but i just screwed it up with our friendship. So i ended up with nothing at all.
I'll probably need quite a lot of time to piece the broken fragments back together again.
Leonard, Eric and Siwei were over at my place last night. We wanted to play mahjong but after a round of East, we changed to uno stacko and ended the night (or morning rather) with Hotels.
Sometimes, its pretty tiring to put on a facade pretending you're happy and smile smile smile. Because more often not, im crying inside.
sealed-with-a-kiss < 4:06:00 pm
___________________________________________
Tuesday, January 2
> stupid mistake
...and then i went to spoil it all by saying something stupid like i love you....
...and then i went to spoil it all by saying something stupid like i love you....
sealed-with-a-kiss < 4:28:00 pm
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Monday, January 1
> Another brand new year
I wanted to tell you last night when the clock strikes 12 that i've fallen in love. But the words seemed too hard to say.
I wanted to see you and tell you how i feel. But fate never allowed things to happen that way.
I wanted you to know that i cant get to sleep now because im still thinking of you. But all i said was "i cant get to sleep yet".
I wanted to tell you that my msn nick was meant for you. But i didnt have the courage to.
I guess, i'll just keep it to myself than to let you know how i really feel.
Happy New Year lovelies. Let's welcome 2007 with wide open arms, ready to face all new challanges ahead. Time flies, and im definately not looking back to the past. Dont even bother about setting new year resolutions because i've never kept any.
Nights y'all.
I wanted to tell you last night when the clock strikes 12 that i've fallen in love. But the words seemed too hard to say.
I wanted to see you and tell you how i feel. But fate never allowed things to happen that way.
I wanted you to know that i cant get to sleep now because im still thinking of you. But all i said was "i cant get to sleep yet".
I wanted to tell you that my msn nick was meant for you. But i didnt have the courage to.
I guess, i'll just keep it to myself than to let you know how i really feel.
Happy New Year lovelies. Let's welcome 2007 with wide open arms, ready to face all new challanges ahead. Time flies, and im definately not looking back to the past. Dont even bother about setting new year resolutions because i've never kept any.
Nights y'all.
sealed-with-a-kiss < 7:34:00 am
___________________________________________
* yours truly.
amber.ruoxuan\\twenty\
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